Accessing the CMHS (Community Mental Health Servies) mainly took precedence on October 2009. It was as Bernard Montgomery had said about conflicts emerging in the lives of people, and, as Rudolph Steiner suggested, these conflicts needing to be resolved. At the time, I was lost as these conflcits paralysed me. It meant that I was handicapped; that I was crippled; that I was paralysed. Naturally, the assumption was that I was “mad”, and yet, as I had read so many years earlier on in life: “it is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society.”
I knoew only that the CMHT dealt with counselling, which, as we are taught, is the means of resolving conflicts and working thourgh problems in life, only, I saw multiple counsellors and therapists, only to have nothing change. At the time, I didn’t realise that counselling was only, like relgion, an approach and orientation to the world, but it was not final or penultimate. At best, it was a suggestion which meant that little was certain – nothing was definite or guaranteed. I was trying to solve a problem but I was using the wrong tools. I had not properly read the situation – the assumptions were based on false interpretations and so naturally, the project failed.
Like Pirandello’s characters, I am just another person searching for a narrative – a motive, a theme, a story. At the time, failing to appreciate this, I was desperate for validation in the form of correction, however, it was not until much later that I came to see that I could not be fixed by people who were broken. I came to realise that the only problem was my material condition which meant that I did not have immediate access to the resources required to significantly and substantially improve my quality of life. Idealism and thought power are impotent in comparison to the situation that surrounds me. I am my environment, and so, if my fate is in the hands of others, that alone is reason for maladjustment and pathology. The only sick people are those who assume that thigns are normal.
These pages chronicle the daily battle I endure fighting against the vigilantee gatekeepers, vis-a-vis, the “white people” or “professionals” who have demonstrated a commitment to keeping people like myself, on the outside, with limited opportunity, access, provision and esteem. I want to provide you with this extensive learning record and resource that enables you to struggle against the wind. I assure you that your enemies are not “systems” and “cultures” but peoples and their practices, and so, pay attention to these insights. If you do not agree with them, that is fine as I am not here to force an opinion on you. These papers are not for the ppurposes of pleasing and impressing people. In fact, on the contrary, prepare to be offended.