Rewarding Defiance

firstly, we know that today we celebrate the earthstrong of both Bobby Seale (Self Defence Party) and Arsene Wenger (Arsenal Football Club), as we are zombified by day 1, round 2 of the UEFA Champions League. Moving along…

exhausted today

and yet, I imagine I have more energy than a ward acquaintence who recently – rather, just – informed me that he is off medication…and on a fortnightly injection. I was horrified, and yet, he has been willing to entertain this, for as he describes it, his religion is confusion; from what we can gather, like us, he seeks that elusive authenticity which Erica Carle warned, was being lost to our generation of anadoned and neglected children.

we were violated once more by a hospital tradition of ignoring patients. On the ward, in order to exit – once you are granted permission to “have leave” – you must wait for staff to open the door and yet, this often entails virtually begging for their attention, if they are seated in the office. For some reason, as a ward joke suggests, in order to work in the back office (immediately behind the front desk reception), you must be partially blind and partially deaf. We say that, as it is truly a tradition, but beyond that, it is a process which is, evidently, dehumanising to the extent it strips you of dignity:

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: That I am nobody but myself

The female ignored me and so, after calling and waving, I went hysterical and begun to “chimp out” – we krump, they clown. I begun to yell, and why? I had made arrangements to meet someone at 6:30; it was 4:50. I had been being ignored for five minutes and got fed up, but worse, when I was protesting this injustice, the female has the audacity to attempt to impose her psychopathic racial personality upon my being by coming out and suggesting that if I asked nicely, she would open the door. Moreover, as sick people do, she wonderously asked why it was I was being so forceful…again, this here is the sickness promoted by the supremacist mindset which creates sickness before denying the sickness it manufactures and so, with this women, after the insult and injury came the provocation of feigning “innocence”, and it is this “innocence” which does the damage to the degree it distorts and deforms through confusing and confounding.

I desperately complained, and yet, it was at this point The Team took over, and the repression was heightened.It suddenly became an issue that I was unwell and therefore, not fit to be released outside in case I would injure my self, and generally be unsafe. Worse still, her colleague came and drew me in to her game of “steady shuffling .” She played the role of the missionary here to appease you and rationalise the psychological damage that is being imposed upon you by attemptign to have you submit to the domination and see it as agreeable. Also, her role was to justify the repression by urging you to confer and relay information which would then immediately be used to advance and support the suddenly constructed notion that you, I, was unwell. It worked liked fetish. She went on to say that based on what I was saying, as we were on a treatment ward, it was agreed between the Team, her colleague and herself, that I was having or udnergoing an episode which meant that they did not feel I was fit to be released into the public.

Outraged by this patholoigical ponerology, I burst into the doctors room and protested loudly; the ward manager agreed that I had “leave” and yet, it was never contested. It was never in question; I had leave. There was never an issue but as Bobby Wright writes of, the psychopath realises reality but refuse to relate to it. Suddenly, there was a consensus between the backroom pairing that I should not be granted leave, and yet, what was most incredible was the two aspectsw of it; firstly, that the primary culprit was not in charge of the decision making even if she happened to be, at that moment there, operating the door. Meanwhile, her colleague so effectively collaborated and colluded to support her fellow “professional” which is the point. We are to remember, at all times that as nice as the professionals maybe, when it ocmes down to it, with their families, mortgages and cars, etc, these are people with careers who predominantly pledge their first allegiance to the party, even at the expense of reality. It is sad, but the essence of a hierarchy of domination where people can be financially liable for failings and the like.

They watch each others back and cover for each otehr. All of a sudden, no matter how “cool” and “friendly” they may have been with you, they are people with spite, malice and sickness. Our objective then, must be to address the deficiencies of this mentality, and we say mentality as this is not a mere “persoanlity type” which manifests its aspects across a general spectrum, amongst all peoples, to various degrees. It is a sickness created by people who have a first loyaslty to a system of violence; the system protested against by the likes of Marimba Ani, James Prescott and James Gilligan, whilst being touched upon by HTaylor Gatto in his lecture “The Congregrational Principle” where he talks of people who might go quietly insane when a vision is forced upon them, and their coice is constricted. In these circumstances, with my routine obliterated, adn with that, my reputation challenged and threatened, there was a backlash, and that was rightful rage directed at the purveyor of malice. The issue was her and yet, in order to conceal this, like all people who must mystify issues, she had to jump up to imply she was rational, and ready to be reaonable when reality had demonstrated that such a position was not her expressed desire.

Yes indeed, she was in contradiction with the reality she had just exposed. Better yet, looked upon through our overaching framework, it was a case of a sick lady trying to get others to be as sick as her so that in the absence of a comparative mechanism she would not have to look at herself, much like the character who has his looking glass self and believing mirror shattered in Pirandello’s “One, No One and One Hundred Thousand.” For this reason, and reasons alike, we do not even entertain minor “pathology” such as that referred to and conceived of as “gang crime” for we know that “black culture” is simply code for “British culture” and gang violence, a code for market forces for these are corporate values. If you wonder then, in the end, the main consultant released me from the office, perhaps intuiting what was going on within these circumstances and realising the scenario – that her “nurse” was having a psychotic episode.

Our main interest however was the usurpation of language; suddenly, I was recategorised. W was a “medical misfit” and yet, when the consultant observed the situation, her interpretation was different. Yes indeed, why is it that people struggle to advocacy preferring to translate? Rather than show the truth, they attempt to prove it! Rather than observe, they tend to interpret, which was, as Krishnamurt – Rosenburg informs us – one of the most difficult thigns to do. Agian, this highlights why we focus on language games and say this is more than mere semantic, linguistics, phonetics, syntax, or any other dismissive notion: “the problem is always at the beginning where we think we know that which we do not know” whilst Krishnamurti remidns us that “Few can really understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem.” Ultimately, will we think in contexzt and operate through perspective irrespective of the circumstance and the restrains of this situation?

“People say again and again that philosophy doesn’t really progress, that we are still occupied with the same philosophical problems as were the Greeks. But the people who say this don’t understand why this has to be so. It is because our language has remained the same and keeps seducing us into asking questions. As long as there continues to be a verb ‘to be’ that looks as if it functions in the same way as ‘to eat’ and ‘to drink’, as long as we still have the adjectives ‘identical’, ‘false’, ‘possible’, as long as we continue to talk of a river of time, of an expanse of space, etc. etc., people will still keep stumbling over the same puzzling difficulties and find themselves staring at something which no explanation seems capable of clearing up […] And what’s more, this satisfies a longing for the transcendent, because in so far as people think they can see the “limits of human understanding,” they believe of course that they can see beyond these” (CV, 1980a, p.15).
Killarmy – Feel It


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